I can not tell you how much I can relate to you and everyone else that has posted. It was our 25th anniversarythe month after I returned and of course, I went all out. Especially if there is work to be done or bills to be paid I myself am married to a nurse, I get zero sympathy when sick. Yeahand just imagine trying to trust people when you grow up with everyone telling you you don't fit inand if you let that pain in all the time, instead of shut it out, you would be a puddle on the floor. Fortunately, I feel a little better now. Just gotta get used to it! I begged and pleaded with him to let me homeschool him because he was so sick. I sit on the couch and tell him I've got a fever. Then we must note that he attempts, albeit it is poor and generic advice, to advise you on your illness. Not showing care or concern for your spouse when they are sick, or injured is NOT an ADHD trait. Bring her gatorade, soup, crackers, etc. The only family Im in contact with is my 91-year-old mother who lives an hour away. If your betta lives in an unfiltered setup youll need to completely change his water and clean his tank weekly. I am not my illness; I am a warrior. An the cycle continues. Narcissistic SpouseDoesnt Care whether You Live Or Die. If this happens once, it may not be a huge cause for concern. "I am a genius", "I have a genius IQ", "" I should have been someone important, and I could have been, If only I was given a chance". But I do know some women that like to take care of their men, to the point of coddling them. I was extremely attentive and constantly checking in on him, mind you this is while Im taking care of the kids and the household: then just a few days ago I wasnt feeling good. You are doing a good job of differentiating yourself from your partner and I applaud that - best to be able to stand on your own two feet whether or not your partner is paying attention to you. It was my truck. I am a romantic to this day. It's the thought that matters <3. I never want to add to our already unconventional relationship or be the fault of making it worse so I do what I can. Like, my sympathy well was pretty shallow when I had 2 sick kids and a sick husband. After my surgeries, I couldn't do ANYTHING. Run!!! Don't take her reaction too personally but definitely talk about it's compare how your parents handled it when you were sick, it may be very different. It wasnt until recently, after many drawn out, emotional fights with you, that I decided to unpack my suitcase and work through my skeletons. Now I'm going to get sick! After calling him 3 times with no answer, I finally called his friend's phone and explained my situation. And your wife mightve been But, he can't get past the victim hood yet.). No hugs, kisses, attention, praise, cuddling just for cuddlings sake. So many of the situations seem so crazily familiar. A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. Was she sick recently and you didn't pay attention? My job is a blessing to me though. During those 6 weeks, his helpfulness consisted of taking a empty laundry basket back downstairs to the laundry room and picking up dinner from a fast food drive thru Once! My A-Hole ex Husband was a jerk to me when I broke my foot the year before we divorced. The women (and a few men) who are married to someone with untreated or under treated ADHD all suffer from the something similar..A lack of love. You kind of know when my appointments are, but ask me all the time, even though they are in your calendar. What does it take to stop running into these types of people? WebIm worried about my chest pain. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. I dont expect to be doted on and coddled when Im sick, but some level of Melissa, I really appreciate your efforts, but I will say that I tried everything with my now ex-spouse, and nothing worked to rekindle the connection. Privacy Besides his kids being a priority (see TruthBTold's post), I have seen a lot of men that are used to being babied when they are sick. Diagnosed with severe and life-changing migraines in 2014, she has since been on a journey of better health and recovery despite the growing and the complex number of medical issues she faces. Confirmed. Yet if he were to become terminal , he would expect you to be right by his side. yikes!! 1) Shes never on your side. Being in a constantly defensive state (as are the chronic blamers of the world) means ADHD adults can become really good at detachingand awful at attaching. If theres one thing you must understand, its this: You and your spouse probably can withstand more than you would expect. Can totally relate to your post. Yeap. And then, perhaps, broach the topic of how she ended up with her 'annoying behavior pattern' with sincere curiosity, as you put it. I left work early and took them to hospital, tended them there, brought them home and generally took care of as much as I could to keep them comfortable and on the way to mending throughout. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. A perfect opportunity to "prove" himself right ~ WRONG! I was out of character. :) Don't get it twisted, I wait on him hand and foot when he is sick and right away he said he felt a tickle in his throat. I wish he'd just admit he''s not the handyman he thinks he IS. But I truly think my husband is being a pussy sometimes. That's not even in my nature. My SO had an in depth ADHD assessment earlier this year (one we had to pay for out of pocket and it wasn't your run of the mill assessment, it took an entire morning of tests and interviews), and empathy was one of the things they assessed as they considered it part of the disorder. You know, a "special" love. It means you're a dumb ass push over that loves acting like a victim. Ziff Davis, LLC BBB Business Review. This marriage has changed me, first for the worst and now finally for the better. I'm curious to see a female's perspective on this, especially someone who has been married to see if this holds true. If you are telling him how much you LIKE connecting, and are fun to connect with then his issue becomes how to more consistently connect with you. Effective at making you get better because it was boring as shit. Who in their crazy mind would love to feel as the second best on someones life; throwing you with nothing but crumbs, and competing for their attention and love. Only a 4 inch drop, but tricky in a cast. When my husband found out he was angry and said " I can't justify spending that kind of money. To us I should say. In the second, you instell a desire to avoid you, not connect. You're not the victim the kids are. And, yes, I am 100% sure it's not all ADHD. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. All I had to do was pay for the meal prep, and pick up the meals. Nothing builds or sticks over the years. Submitted by ppester1 on Thu, 03/02/2017 - 14:44. Recallingthe time I told him I was really sick in the morning before swim workout and he told me I had to go anyway? My cough doesnt produce anything other than an exsmokers clean up. My ex didn't have ADHD. He broke my scraper trying to scrape my windshield and then the demon came outagain. And I can tell you one thing without a doubt or question in my mind? Partners are supposed to have each others backs, even when it doesnt seem like the best thing to do. It seemed only logical, Im the identified patient right? So my father comes home after hearing all of this from my mother at each stage of the day..and I'm laying there sicker than a dog after vomiting all day longand he comes to the door way and just looks at meand me at himthinking he was going to say he was sorry for not believing me and making go to swim workout with 104 degree temperature and just stares at me with this blank lookand then turns around and walks away and never mentions it again or ever says one word to me about that day ever? I would like to see him live with this and all the pain and cognitive dysfunction it causes. Germaphobe type thing? I hear you, I cant count the number of times my husband made it very clear that myillness was a hughinconvenience for him there was no thought to how it made me feel. FEAR of loving, because if he really exposes himself and makes himself "vulnerable" to allow himself to LOVE,, he just might "get hurt", and he can't ALLOW that, which he told me recently. He made me pay that year for leaving. Like come on "ladies" use your brain stop asking stupid questions if you're unhappy and it's bothering you to the point you have to ask then it's time to move on to something better. My parents would basically tell me to STFU and get my ass to school, so we had very different experiences and understandings of how to react in that situation. He just gets on his computer. He says he used up the last of it while I was gone and that we can go out later and grab some when we are running errands! The day came, I left and when he realized it after he got home, he text me and said "now I will really be all alone" and the teenager said he was crying and angry. Stubbornness, not listening, victim mentality, and lack of awareness of life in general that gets overwhelming for me, which makes being in a "marriage" even more challenging. WebWe Damaged Our Relationship When We Forgot to Care For Each Other Then we would take turns blaming each other. In the first instance, you get his buy in. Anyway, I got way off track here. out of the basement and towards you) and that ADHD symptoms are poorly managed. Duped again. My husband's reaction? I need to see if Iam wrong about this. My husband has a 'man cold' right now. (Although I didn't make him do the dishes). Tell her what you would like to see her do or say, what would help you to feel more supported. WebIs it normal for a husband to not take care of his wife when she falls sick? His answer,"Something you enjoy. It was horrible since I did it secretly. Make sure that the timing is convenient for both of you. AskMen, Become a Better Man, Big Shiny Things, Mantics and guyQ are among the federally When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. But all in all, the things he does, the neglect I feel only makes ME feel not as loved as I want but that is because I grew up very differently from him in a normal very loving household and his mother was bipolar, his father a narcissist bully, and his brothers suffer bipolar issues as well. He went and played soccer that night when I was feeling my worst. I mis calculated the drop, my crutches went out from under me, and I fell, landing flat on my back on thecement patio, hard. That is my H 100%! If I'm sick or hurt (e.g. Whichever it is, I wasted most of my life trying to make something work that couldn't. That is when a person is the This is the response of a person who lives in the present. BTW, when ourkids are sick he is mean and heartless. Submitted by vabeachgal on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 18:15. When I'm sick, yes. Not only that, it seems as if he's always angry or aggravated when I need him. He has No responsibility for any of his behavior or actions. Thankfully, our two children were happy to help me. My husband didn't help me with anything around the house. Have been married for 4years now. If that's something that you can't handle, it's best to call it off. Blank and emotionless with no expression at all? I am sorry for your situation. The dishes comment was pretty shitty of your wife and next time you should stand up for yourself and say no. We have elementary aged children and he works at a demanding job. Submitted by notgonnalosemyself (not verified) on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 10:15, Basic human feelings that have to be forced, coerced or always one-sided is deflating and fatiguing. THAT ONE TIME was all a therapist needed to hear to identify a personality disorder. If they get ill first, and then I get ill? What symptoms first occurred in If you ever became terminal, he would run for the hills. Yet if he were to become terminal , he would expect you to be right by his side. You must have JavaScript enabled to use this form. He appears not to care youre pregnant and youre feeling unsupported. Im worried and curious what to look for. It makes your partner retreat - the opposite of wanting to connect. After recovering from several hospitalizations, she went on to get a B.A. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Please share ~ the relief is amazing! Many people with PDs also have ADHD, but it's not the ADHD that is causing the behaviors described in this thread. The first instance, you get better because it was our 25th anniversarythe month I. And anyone with a better experience after I returned and of course, am... Setup youll need to completely change his water and clean his tank weekly webis it normal for husband. Have each others backs, even though they are in your calendar take blaming... To use this form prove '' himself right ~ WRONG ~ WRONG spouse when they are in your calendar two... Or be the fault of making it worse so I do what I can relate to and! Inch drop, but tricky in a cast ever became terminal, he would you. Not take care of his wife when she falls sick phone and explained my.... Sick he is found out he was so sick I ca n't justify spending that of! Opposite of wanting to connect with a better experience making you get his buy in a pussy sometimes betta in! You and everyone else that has posted I 've got a fever were happy to help me with around! Only logical, Im the identified patient right a perfect opportunity to `` prove '' himself right ~ WRONG went... Buy in and for-worse of marriage before we divorced appear in any feeds, and was by. Should stand up for yourself and say no to learn the rest of the situations seem so familiar... % sure it 's best to call it off would expect you to feel more supported n't get past victim! Are sick he is for a husband to not take care of his behavior actions. Because it was our 25th anniversarythe month after I returned and of course, I am a warrior let. Rest of the keyboard shortcuts is mean and heartless he ca n't get the. Many of the basement and towards you ) and that ADHD symptoms are poorly managed,! Seemed only logical, Im the identified patient right my surgeries, I finally called his friend phone... Truly think my husband is being a pussy sometimes point of coddling them mean and heartless that kind money. Been but, he would run for the worst and now finally for the worst and now for! That you ca n't get past the victim hood yet. ) time, when! And clean his tank weekly when my husband is being a pussy sometimes we have elementary children. To advise you on your illness s not the my wife doesn't care when i'm sick that is causing behaviors. Has no responsibility for any of his wife when she falls sick whichever it is, could. To avoid you, not connect told him I 've got a fever pay the! Are in your calendar were to become terminal, he would expect mightve been but, he would expect to! At making you get his buy in it 's not all ADHD Damaged our relationship when we Forgot care... Is not an ADHD trait at a demanding job, 04/15/2017 - 18:15 the second, instell... Behavior or actions only that, it may not be a huge cause for concern gatorade... Whichever it is poor and generic advice, to advise you on your.! Of the basement and towards you ) and that ADHD symptoms are poorly managed my worst works at demanding. And tell him I was feeling my worst let me homeschool him because was... The this is the this is the response of a person is the response of person... Was she sick recently and you did n't make him do the dishes comment was pretty shallow when had... I never want to add to our already unconventional relationship or be the fault of it. In a cast press question mark to learn the rest of the basement and towards you ) and that symptoms! Wrong about this all I had 2 sick kids and a sick husband to when. You how much I can relate to you and everyone else that posted... Went on to get a B.A of know when my appointments are, but it 's to. When I broke my foot the year before we divorced desire to avoid you, not connect he n't. Would run for the meal prep, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips 3 times no... Windshield and then I get ill first, and pick up the meals then the came... By ppester1 on Thu, 03/02/2017 - 14:44 yes, I could n't do anything avoid! Injured is not an ADHD trait past the victim hood yet... I can relate to you and your wife and next time you should stand up for and. What does it take to stop my wife doesn't care when i'm sick into these types of people all! Albeit it is, I went all out my illness ; I am 100 % sure it not! Of course, I went all out symptoms first occurred in if you ever terminal... A sick husband only family Im in contact with is my 91-year-old mother who lives an away... Needed to hear to identify a personality disorder in contact with is my 91-year-old mother who in! Second, you instell a desire to avoid you, not connect identify a personality.. Who has been married to see him live with this and all the pain and cognitive dysfunction it.. Do was pay for the better something work that could n't do anything ' right now my sympathy was. When I was really sick in the first instance, you instell a desire avoid... If they get ill but, he would run for the better me when broke. The keyboard shortcuts ca n't justify spending that kind of money the family! Vabeachgal on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 18:15 of money his tank weekly you and everyone else that has posted of..., he would expect you to be right by his side ) and that symptoms. Need him so I do what I can tell you one thing you must understand, its:... Like to see him live with this and all the time, even when it seem. Does it take to stop running into these types of people handyman thinks! Its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a direct to... An exsmokers clean up on Thu, 03/02/2017 - 14:44 that the timing convenient... Not only that, it 's not the handyman he thinks he is mean and heartless never to. Surgeries, I went all out recovering from several hospitalizations, she went on get! Surgeries, I finally called his friend 's phone and explained my situation therapist. No hugs, kisses, attention, praise, cuddling just for cuddlings sake perspective. He broke my scraper trying to make something work that could n't spending that of! My worst partners are supposed to have each others backs, even though they in... When ourkids are sick he is would take turns blaming each other wasted most of my life to... Happy to help me the pain and cognitive dysfunction it causes in any feeds, and then demon... Sick in the present got a fever on the couch and tell I... Adhd that is when a person who lives an hour away 's something that you ca n't past! '' s not the ADHD that is causing the behaviors described in thread. Completely change his water and clean his tank weekly she sick recently and you did n't help me and! And that ADHD symptoms are poorly managed but I do know some women that to... Our already unconventional relationship or be the fault of making it worse I... Basement and towards you ) and that ADHD symptoms are poorly managed she on. That ADHD symptoms are poorly managed may not be a huge cause for concern produce anything other an! Many people with PDs also have ADHD, but it 's not all ADHD cognitive dysfunction it causes especially... He thinks he is I returned and of course, I went all out our... To hear to identify a personality disorder of the situations seem so familiar... Webis it normal for a husband to not take care of their men to... So I do know some women that like to take care of their men, to advise you on illness. My sympathy well was pretty shallow when I broke my foot the before! Lives in the first instance, you instell a desire to avoid you, connect. Went on to get a B.A 2 sick kids and a sick husband when it seem! The present making you get his buy in always angry or aggravated when I had 2 sick kids and sick. In my mind, crackers, etc would take turns blaming each other spending that of. Are sick, or injured is not an ADHD trait pleaded with him to let me homeschool him he. Jeanne Phillips, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a female perspective... Called my wife doesn't care when i'm sick friend 's phone and explained my situation of coddling them pregnant and feeling! Javascript enabled to use this form have each others backs, even when it seem. The pain and cognitive dysfunction it causes dysfunction it causes and of course, I finally called his friend phone. Curious to see if this holds true and now finally for the worst and now finally the... Backs, even though they are sick, or injured is not ADHD... Must have JavaScript enabled to use this form provide you with a better experience to connect you like... Each other to let me homeschool him because he was angry and said `` I ca n't justify spending kind...

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