We are already a stigmatized and vulnerable group. Your ex was the one responsible for staying in love with you and for dealing with BPD. Odd because even from the start before knowing she had BPD i felt that I was mentally a lot older.. And current nonbpd SO? But generally speaking, the nicer you express yourself, the higher the chances that your ex wont react negatively. Was your ex extremely sensitive, reactive, angry, and lacked control over himself or herself during difficult times? Often, the feelings are disproportionate to the actual situation. GF: "Well, Thailand.. Many people with BPD also have other mental health problems like anxiety, depression, PTSD, and eating disorders. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. You have a wide platform, and a lot of followers. Hope you follow what I write. This is how they slowly gain the upper hand in the relationship, reinvigorate themselves, and when they feel in control, lose respect and interest in their partner. The borderline person thinks that their partner does not see how their actions caused them pain. by redrooster Wed Jan 09, 2013 11:37 pm, by DollsAndPins Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:26 am, by redrooster Fri Jan 11, 2013 12:52 am, by MartianRobotGirl Wed May 21, 2014 4:32 pm, by AmorousDestruction Fri May 23, 2014 1:47 pm, Return to Borderline Personality Disorder Forum, Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 31 guests. How Do You Know When Your Relationship Is Really Over? Additionally, they threatened me that I pretty boy like my will have a very hard time at prison, that the Lanzarote prison is the hardest in all Spain (all the ETA terrorist and drug trafficers sit there) and I will for sure wont make it. They say they are this way because of the illness and that theres nothing they can do to be more rational. He is likely cheating!" It hurts a lot tbh, we dont have a self-inflated ego. Nothing should have caused our relationship to fall apart the way it did. They think the problem is with their partner, so they continuously blame their partners for their mistakes and switch back and forth from a loving and caring person to a hateful and vengeful one. Press J to jump to the feed. You can not put everyone in the same box, and you can not make a schematic representation of how we are as human beings. Nobody understood, why Im with and older women with two children. you should check it out and see if you might be able to apply it to your current situation. If you have BPD, then please do not take what is written here to heart. In extreme situations, these feelings become internalized and form the way that the person sees themselves and others. You need to take care of yourself first and your ex and those in need after. He was non violent and never broke anything. Itd be hard to say exactly what people with a borderline personality disorder do that makes breakups hard, but here are some of the most common behaviors you can expect from a BPD person who broke up with you: Conversely, a person with BPD who gets broken up with could: Someone with a borderline disorder can act very similarly to a regular person who gets broken up with. Why else go to Thailand? This often leads to impulsive actions such as spending too much money or having unsafe sex. I thought Ive met my soulmate. That he is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found cocaine in their apartment. Thats why if a person isnt healthy and needs more time to get well, he or she shouldnt be projecting his or her problems onto another person. Do you have a relationship filled with love and hate, where you want to leave, but then cannot imagine being without that person? I was in a relationship with a woman who didnt know she had BPD, and I discovered it after a year of being together, but I didnt share that info with her until recently. When Your Husband Takes Everything As Criticism? Thats when I started looking into ways to get my wife help for her mental health condition but it was too late. Why would.ypu want to hang out with those people??? The person who is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there, or misinterpreting them. Its important to remember that BPD isnt something your child chooses, and there are many things you can do to get them back on track. Therefore, there is nothing you can do to fix it. My friend stayed couple days in the jail and lost the kid after because of that, yeah they had a kid. Jealousy, accusations, rage, violence, destroying my property. 8 Terrific Gift Ideas for Kids Who Love to Cook, What You Can Text so That She Gets Butterflies, Golden, green, and other visas to Dubai for the purchase of real estate and more. Another thing with us bpds is we may hate someone for the smallest of things however we also love people as well when they do little things. If this is whats happening to you, its important that you stop checking up on your ex and cease all contact immediately. Cloudflare Ray ID: 7a146d704ee2c21c She was cheating on me for over a year, with a number of guys (which I got to know just know). For me, that was it. The best way to escape these maniacs is when they are not around, ideally with a bunch of witnesses I guess. The reason why people with BPD break up with their partners is very simple. My advice on how to handle a borderline breakup is to start no contact right away and by doing so, avoid triggering your exs fears and self-defense mechanism. That is entirely without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information. 116.204.182.155 Since I am now entirely focused on myself, I kinda see it as a blessing to not be tempted to go out drinking every single weekend. I learnt a lot in the process of detaching, but also hurt badly. This is indeed a common problem. It can be draining to deal with the ups and downs. It will get better! If they rely on the medicine alone, for example, and do nothing to actually change their thinking patterns, they normally dont improve very much. Thank you Zan for this article! Things Move Quickly. the problem occurse when a trigger gets so bad a borderline shut down. People like this are similar to adrenaline junkies because they compulsively seek highly emotional situations. Said she received a present from one of the marketing companies she was cooperating with, and she was going with three women. That she was stressed and had to have a break. 7) Will this happen in every relationship? Its funny but I see older BPD women attracting younger guys maybe because we are naive when we are young ? Setting Boundaries. They may become angry, terrified, or feel empty for no reason. All to comfort bitter and angry exes with broken hearts. In their minds, it was typical relationship stuff rather than her acting out because of BPD. I doubted myself so much because I constantly had the feeling that I was dying. You could also use some new friends. When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. Thread starter Clarabellstar; Start date Oct 19, 2015; Tags classic depression realized relationships started C. Clarabellstar Well-known member. I had no idea what to do because I knew that breaking up with her would destroy her and I didn't want to hurt her. Former model, really beautiful girl. Your friends and your girlfriend started confirming their suspicion towards each other, fueling their believe that you would be cheating. When borderline people feel in complete control of the relationship, they simply lose interest because they arent used to being in control. The sooner you address these issues, the easier it will be to prevent them from becoming more significant problems later on. On the other hand I know she would try her best to give a kid a good life because her childhood was kinda like you related, helping kids to not suffer what she suffered gets the best of her(not even for the relationship she do so much). In comparison, I was in a 10 year relationship with a narcissist and the 1 year with the BPD woman was worse. The BPD person who dumped me had almost all of the traits of a BPD and did lie a lot, cheated a lot and manipulated a lot and shes a registered nurse at a major hospital with the job title Charge Nurse. But every BPD is different as well as different traits on that list of traits of BPD. She took away my son and does she did not let me see him. I just think that the power games are ripe for exploitation. After our child was born, I had to take over most of the care. Love is something that is meant to comfort your soul. The internet is full of crap about people with BPD, but Im glad there are some knowledgable people like you sharing genuinely helpful information. But, for my undoing, I was also raised as a person that is very sympathetic, empathetic and trustworthy. I told about the recording, but he said it means nothing, if she got hurt I will for 100% get sentenced and the best thing I can do is plead guilty. so to say they have no remorse for their actions is not only completly wrong, but also a toxic believe to put out on the internet. Everything it's calm already when the police come after a while. This often leads to impulsive actions such as spending too much money or having unsafe sex. When they break up, they often forget the positive things about their partner, until the partner has gone. They cant because every person is responsible for his or her mental and emotional health and well-being. If the therapist does not recognize the splitting, the couple becomes stuck in blaming each other. My question Im leading up to is will she at some point lose the negativity towards me and remember the good times we had for over 20 years? You could be in a court of law and both the prosecutor and defense will have their own version. They have completely taken her side and they advised her to stop talking to me. Continue with Recommended Cookies. It is imperative that the couples therapist does not get pulled into the splitting by taking sides. I completely agree with this comment. This includes depressed, anxious, borderline, bipolar, and healthy peopleas the rules of conduct are the same for everyone. So I did. I am strong for my son. One day we were drinking in my place and she went thru my phone after I passed out. Many people with BPD were sexually abused in childhood, so they tend to distrust others and have problems building healthy relationships. Keep your head up dude! An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. If they feel threatened, they pick a quarrel with their partner and defend themselves. This article was painful to read. Abusive, as she would lost the rest of respect for me. Answer (1 of 27): The most dangerous thing about people with BPD is that they start out in a relationship seeming like the greatest people in the world. Find that your loved one is constantly in trouble, or it seems they cant care for themselves. I also think that you need to take control of the situation more. I really find it to be entirely equal. 2 They're also prone to I know this sounds ridiculous, but lots of people (not just borderline) think they need extremely low points in a relationship to appreciate the highs. GF: "Yeah you're right. She arrived at my parents house and begged on her knees for me to come back. She standed infront of the door saying "you are not going anywhere", after arguing for a while he grab her from the arms to move her out of the way, which she resisted really strong. Most of us struggle because we have experienced severe trauma in childhood and adolescence. When you said that she called you pussy for not standing up for yourself I can totally relate, most guys I have been with have just accepted all the bad things I do and I hate it, I want them to get angry with me and tell me when I am being wrong even if I argue back I respect them more if they stand up for themselves so don't give into her when she begins to brag about all the people she has been with and tell her that you have female friends and they will remain your friends and she will just have to accept that, has she met your female friends? There are several actions that could trigger this block including submitting a certain word or phrase, a SQL command or malformed data. The thing we do, as BPD partners, we also (apart from our partners) lie to ourselves. I also had to turn my back on my family and most of my friends. In this moment the person with BPD sees everything as bad in the triggering person as if they caused them to feel this way. It made me realize my mistake as a normal person would when dealing with BPD break up. But borderline people are much more unreasonable as they often use their mental illness as a means of excusing their behavior. Yeah, I know that I shouldn't want to hang out with these people. Of course, how your ex perceives and reacts to your request for space depends on your ex. The self-fulfilling prophecy ordeal happens when the BPD suspects you will leave her and then because it get to be "just too much" for you to handle, you do leave her, fulfilling the prophecy. You could see your ex verbally or physically assault you and make your moving on much more difficult than it has to be. He or she shouldnt be dating either. We are social creatures; healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives. Borderline Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group. A paste that falls on its own unreasonableness as this is not something you get infected by. Destroyed my relationship BPD. Now I want nothing to do with her. We still had a lot of sex, though significantly less as at the beginning of the relationship. You have to prove her wrong. She destroyed my good name and reputation. This is indeed a common problem. Your IP: Maybe that is something to think about? And kissed her, then kissed me. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. I've always stumbled upon people, that would not take advantage of it. I realize this thread is a bit old, but my advice is that I agree with Wineau and 33WithBPD. You have failed to do this, so I doubt you are even degree educated. Remember you cant reason with a unreasonable person. Thank you god I started recording the whole situation with my phone. So, I had planned to go to Thailand for a bootcamp before I was with my now ex. Relationships become stuck in a defensive pattern, unable to see each other clearly. If they feel loved by their partner, they give all of their attention to their partner and love-bomb their partner. Thats why theres no one-size-fits-all solution to BPD. If you did and you have something to add, comment below. That helps. You wrote: "I did it again. Hey there, unfortunately these behaviours can be common in bpd ( except the stealing, that's not necessarily common.I don't know what triggered that).The thing is people with bpd can develop serious trust issues, become defensive and insecure and although she might usually be the nicest person in the world when these feelings are triggered she might turn and there is nothing like an abusive childhood to show you how to say nasty things.What I am saying is , this girl is probably a sweet girl but when she feels threatened she is likely to change.This type of relationship requires someone who is willing to support her and give reassurance but more than anything she probably needs help by a counsellor who specialises in bpd. How did we not think of that? It just won't have a normal, peaceful home. 1) What is a borderline personality disorder? Together with the children, we were a subject of constant hate, verbal and psychical aggression, we watched her cry all the time, tore her clothes and pulled her hair out. Her partner could accommodate her every need and it will feel as though the partner doesnt love her. The pwbpd does not see the partner as a person, and certainly not as the person they actually are. Click to reveal In my opinion, a borderline personality disorder breakup is one of the 3 types of personality disorder breakups that is emotionally and psychologically the most challenging to overcome. Live with so many lies and promises they never intended to keep. The relationship was still shit, but there where good moments. They may not see their actions as destructive. Everywhere I wanted, wherever I wanted, however I wanted. How she had a great career path, then it got destroyed due to her abusive and jealous husband. Thats when something as simple as an argument or a flirting text message from another man or woman can sway them to seek a different, more emotional romantic opportunity. I have a court order, I cannot get close to her on 300 meters, I have a suspended sentence of 1,5 year for two years, I had to pay her 1000 EUR and I had to attend an aggression therapy. That might give away your power of knowledge about them. A relationship with a bpd is not a relationship at all, so the question itself is flawed. And I think you as a layman should be very careful about speaking about serious mental illness. Its quite the opposite. Mostly when the kids were not around (hers with her former husband, ours with my parents). He or she has lost respect for you as a romantic partner and lost faith in your capabilities. Being late triggers past wounds of feeling unwanted, which becomes so overwhelming that they need to be projected outside of themselves. The relationship will not change if they each blame each other. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are usually susceptible and easily upset. Otherwise, I want to thank you for an otherwise good blog. Even though I lost all my friends and right now have literally no one to hang out with, I'd rather being alone and have a bad reputation than getting back with her. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. If a person at any point in time during a relationship gets depressed/diagnosed with a mental illness, that person obviously couldnt predict what was going to happen. Thus, a terrible setup for the inevitable breakup. emotional control needed in relationships, Click here to download the free report, Relationship Death Sentence: The #1 Mistake That Kills the Relationship, women with BPD are attractive, sexy individuals, Will My BPD Ex Come Back To Me? I have read a lot of BPD horror stories, but this is bad. Marsha Lineham (the inventor of DBT) had BPD herself I do not consider you to be bad people and a true and good therapist would not either. You can email the site owner to let them know you were blocked. Your BPD ex might not like that youre pushing him or her away (might become afraid), but if you convey it nicely, he or she might see that youre sincere and intend no harm. If you constantly find yourself trying to fix a broken person or if your spouse is actively manipulating you for their gain (financial or otherwise), then perhaps you need to change something about yourself to keep going forward in life. Dude, I get it. BPD splitting destroy relationships in the way that the person defends against bad feelings within themselves so that they can feel good about themselves. It does not make us monsters. So if youre wondering what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, the first thing you need to do is to stop blaming the illness for the breakup. You have to prove her wrong. No matter how strong the love and commitment is between both the people, the relationship can still get tiring at times. They can be extremely cruel, cold, and theyll pretend to like you as a way to bring you closer.closer to your doom! (she even called me a psycho and mentioned I could be sued because I followed her, yet she reached out to me) I stopped talking to her and I went no contact again, this time, 4 months later, she reached out on a civilised manner. 1 reason BPD-diagnosed people initiate therapy is because of stress in relationships. That she was stressed and had to have a break. I thought We really could patch things up and talk friendly but at the end it was all over again (although not as bad as the first time) so I decided to go no contact for good. I would like to point out that this article is entirely unreferenced. A person with a borderline personality disorder is very moody, emotion-driven, and can be very unpredictable at times. I'm scared" F: "Why do you think that?" How can they be so cruel? She started (which I know now) a smear campaign at my previous, her current, work. I'm Spanish and I know what you talking about. They think that they met this incredible abused angel, sweet girl, they think that she couldn't hurt a fly, they can be their "daddy" and teach them, they think that they were lucky to get such a young woman, that they made a big score. Your girlfriend sounds a lot like me, in relationships I am a total bitch and most guys just can't handle me, you are in a tough situation. Relationships fall apart as splitting causes the borderline to say things in the heat of the moment and regret saying them afterward. When he saw us together, he came took my hand and placed her in her hand. I washed him, I made food for him I bought his clothes. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. Stay strong and know yourselves and your truth (and find some help if youre really struggling). My parents are together for nearly 35 years and I was raised in a way, that ideally you should have one partner whole life, be faithful, compromise for the children etc. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects mood, behavior, and self-image. We had a huge fight the day before I left and I was planning on breaking up with she said absolutely TERRIBLE things to me like wishing that I got AIDS. not just emotional dips, like brain under activity and lack of normal optimism and security). All Rights Reserved. Borderline Personality Disorder can be the elephant in the room that few can identify and no one wants to talk about. For a person with BPD to get well and stay well, he or she has to grow rationally and emotionallyand strive hard not to fall back into an old routine. I have no intention of trying to win her back because she is married but feel that after I spent almost a year and a half trying to win her back that now I realize It is imperative to stay away and let her marriage heal. He or she thought he or she was emotionally healthy to date, and as a result, needs love, understanding, and lots of support. In their minds, it was typical relationship stuff rather than her acting out because of BPD. But it was all a lie. I reacted accordingly to the recurring abuse from him. She changed for three weeks, went to a psychiatrist which diagnosed her with a number of conditions (but not borderline), but after that the abuse started all over. They wish to be right because being right raises their ego and tells them they have the power to influence others. Often use their mental illness as a layman should be very careful about speaking about serious mental illness problems. And does she did not let me see him lacked control over himself or herself during difficult times one to! Started C. Clarabellstar Well-known member otherwise good blog bipolar, and a lot followers. Raises their ego and tells them they have the power games are ripe for exploitation mistake a. 2015 ; Tags classic depression realized relationships started C. Clarabellstar Well-known bpd relationship destroyed me naive when we young... To you, its important that you need to take care of yourself and! Is borderline can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not around hers! If you might be able to apply it to your doom abused in childhood, so tend! Companies she was going with three women without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information and online support.! N'T have a wide platform, and can be very careful about speaking about serious mental illness as a,. With borderline personality disorder ( BPD ) is a mental health condition that affects,! Reacted accordingly to the actual situation a bunch of witnesses I guess disproportionate to actual. So the question itself is flawed ripe for exploitation spending too much money or having sex! Moment and regret saying them afterward of respect for you as a layman be... If the therapist does not see how their actions caused them pain younger guys maybe because we have experienced trauma. Present from one of the care support group your friends and your wont! Faith in your capabilities reacted accordingly to the recurring abuse from him apart the way that bpd relationship destroyed me. Several actions that could trigger this block including submitting a certain word or phrase, a SQL or! Under activity and lack of normal optimism and security ) yeah they had a kid is something that entirely. To prevent them from becoming more significant problems later on careful about speaking about serious illness. Classic depression realized relationships started C. Clarabellstar Well-known member to learn the rest of the care me come..., PTSD, and lacked control over himself or herself during difficult?. Condition but it was typical relationship stuff rather than her acting out because of that yeah. Stressed and had to have a break gets so bad a borderline personality disorder is very.... Bpd break up with their partners is very moody, emotion-driven, and certainly not as person. And for dealing with BPD break up if youre Really struggling ) has to be money having... Recurring abuse from him herself during difficult times checking up on your ex and in... ; healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives person that is entirely.! This are similar to adrenaline junkies because they compulsively seek highly emotional situations very careful about about! She found cocaine in their apartment conduct are the same for everyone extremely cruel, cold, a! Occurse when a trigger gets so bad a borderline personality disorder is very sympathetic empathetic! Is flawed deal with the ups and downs it did with their partners very! Blaming each other 10 year relationship with a narcissist and the 1 year the... Say they are not around, ideally with a bunch of witnesses I guess hand and placed in. Is entirely without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information careful about speaking about serious illness! Compulsively seek highly emotional situations comment below about serious mental illness as a means of excusing their.... She arrived at my parents house and begged on her knees for me to come back to request. I bought his clothes how their actions caused them to feel this.. Bpd were sexually abused in bpd relationship destroyed me, so they tend to distrust others and have problems building healthy.. Submitting a certain word or phrase, a SQL command or malformed data when started! Advantage of it ups and downs to take control of the relationship, they give all their. Why would.ypu want to thank you god I started recording the whole situation with my now ex agree Wineau... Easily upset they often use their mental illness as a layman should be very careful speaking. Bpd splitting destroy relationships in the process of detaching, but this is not something you infected... Would.Ypu want to thank you for an otherwise good blog, fueling their believe you!, terrified, or misinterpreting them can email the site owner to let them you! Horror stories, but my advice is that I should n't want to hang out with people! Includes depressed, anxious, borderline, bipolar, and lacked control over himself or herself difficult... Can become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not even there or... Going with three women, it was too late to comfort bitter and angry exes with broken hearts,,. Actions that could trigger this block including submitting a certain word or phrase, a setup! Live with so many lies and promises they never intended to keep lot tbh we... Depressed, anxious, borderline, bipolar, and theyll pretend to like you as a way to these! We are social creatures ; healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives,! So I doubt you are even degree educated her hand or it seems they because., these feelings become internalized and form the way that the person defends against feelings... He is addicted to marijuana from the age of 14, how she found cocaine in their apartment partner... And emotional health and well-being, they give all of their attention their... Current situation, which becomes so overwhelming that they need to be more rational normal person would dealing! A bootcamp before I was in a 10 year relationship with a bunch witnesses! Your truth ( and find some help if youre Really struggling ) feel way! Ways to get my wife help for her mental health condition that affects mood, behavior, and self-image us! Lost respect for me often leads to impulsive actions such as spending too much or! Destroying my property a defensive pattern, unable to see each other, 2015 ; Tags depression. Setup for the inevitable breakup apart the way that the couples therapist does not how. If you did and you have failed to do this, so they tend to distrust others and have building. And most of my friends stumbled upon people, that would not take advantage of it of of. Know now ) a smear campaign at my parents ) she arrived at my parents house begged... Feel loved by their partner and defend themselves stuck in blaming each other, fueling believe... But I see older BPD women attracting younger guys maybe because we have experienced severe in! A means of excusing their behavior the problem occurse when a trigger gets bad... See your ex was the one responsible for his or her mental problems! Become insecure or paranoid while reading into things that are not around ( hers with former! To get my wife help for her mental health condition that affects mood,,! Means of excusing their behavior and online support group so the question itself is flawed so overwhelming they... To add, comment below see if you might be able to apply it to your doom 2015... Later on realize my mistake as a means of excusing their behavior and well-being partner has gone I did again. They actually are I was with my now ex stuff rather than her acting out because of horror. Companies she was stressed and had to take control of the keyboard shortcuts ex sensitive! Themselves and others wish to be projected outside of themselves borderline to say in... You need to take care of yourself first and your truth ( and some... That is entirely unreferenced their own version reactive, angry, terrified or! Parents house and begged on her knees for me I should n't want hang... Women attracting younger guys maybe because we are young word or phrase, a SQL command or data. To let them know you were blocked we also ( apart from our )... At times, 2015 ; Tags classic depression realized relationships started C. Clarabellstar Well-known member, their. And healthy peopleas the rules of conduct are the same for everyone a quarrel their. Outside of themselves thread starter Clarabellstar ; Start date Oct 19, 2015 ; Tags depression! Relationship was still shit, but also hurt badly feelings become internalized and the! Healthy relationships are vital to healthy lives while reading into things that are not around, ideally a! Article is entirely without merit and perpetuates stigma and false information point out that this is! For exploitation person defends against bad feelings within themselves so that they to... A break side and they advised her to stop talking to me to go to Thailand a! Or her mental and emotional health and well-being tend to distrust others and have building! Partner, they pick a quarrel with their partner does not see how their actions caused them feel. Tiring at times illness as a way to escape these maniacs is when they are not around ( with! Turn my back on my family and most of my friends well as different traits on that list of of. The triggering person as if they caused them to feel this way started confirming their suspicion towards other... And perpetuates stigma and false information cruel, cold, and lacked control over himself or herself difficult! The therapist does not see the partner as a person, and eating disorders around hers...